*.Brother Lyman called while I was eating at the Grogan's house, and asked me to give a talk this up coming Sunday. He wanted me to talk on service - using my El Salvador experience as a topic. He didnt have time to give me a lot of details about what he wanted but he did stress that he wants it to be about the spiritual blessings, and demands versus the fun story-relaying time. I really want to do a good job with this. I need to do some more reasearch - look up some scriptures, past conference talks, and really dig in to my expereince and see if I can find any specific examples.
*. I talked to Dad today. or rather, he talked to me. but it was good. He has wanted to express himself so badly for so long. sometimes I feel sad for him, because I know he is sad- when it comes to views and our family . I never know how to address the situation though. He says he feels like he cant express his feelings without being...accepted? and he gets mad at us. But I cant express my feelings about religion or church around him either. Actually, I dont think that I ever have. no more than he has anyway. Many times I am scared to bring up any mention of the church -sunday school, seminary, church devotionals, I even hesitate to throw out church titles like brother and sister. My features tighten when he comes into the room and catches me reading my scriptures. I try not to leave them out in the open. I pray under my breath or keep them short if hes in the room. I dont like to encourage mockery. I dont hate my dad for not being mormon- I dont even dislike him - I admire him for doing what he thinks is right -I hope he knows that and stills accept it.
*. I am trying to start my goals again. Do you remember how I used to be focused and motivated? haha yes - just one continuous battle. I did one session of pilates today. thats a start right? but I did eat three plates of dinner, one piece of cake, two bowls of icecream, and a slice of graham cracker dessert. yea...so I think I do know of a place to start.
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